Updated: Sep 14, 2021
Since I can remember from an early age, I used to like girls more than I would like boys. I was a tomboy through and through. At the age of 7 when visiting friends, I would always play the male role in every game which required it. In school I would play rugby with the boys at breaktime, and most often than not, I would also play the role as the "protector" for my brother and my cousin. When they get bullied they would come running to me and I would sort out the boys who bullied them. When my elder brother went kicking the rugby ball, I would be first in line to catch and play with. I actually broke my arm once by catching the ball.
I never thought anything of it. I never thought that I was different. I just thought that I was as normal as I could be & playing games that I enjoyed. I never liked long hair or dresses. I was NEVER a girly girl. Actually to this day. I don't think it suits me to be quite honest. I cannot see myself wearing high heels or smart dresses and the likes. I mean really, do I really want to punish myself by wearing high heel shoes? I mean there is nothing wrong with it at all, if you love it wear it, but for me, nah, I don't like it. I would dress smart for work and church, but in general, no ways. I am a tracksuit & t-shirt kinda girl, or shorts & a t-shirt, or jeans & a t-shirt. And it's not a girly girl t-shirt either, it's a boys shirt. Why, because they're comfortable & they hide whatever it needs to hide. I've always been self conscious. It's been a life long thing of mine. I always worry about how I look, even to this day. Maybe it is part of my story and because of what happened to me, who knows.
Anyway, let's move on. Whatever God wants to do with me is what will happen. So if it gets to a point where I might have to wear the above which I don't like, then so be it. I am here to please God, not man.
I can't remember any physical, sexual or emotional child abuse, or something happening to me before the age of 9. I also can't remember that I ever really gave any thought about being gay or really understood the meaning of homosexuality until a later age, when my life took a turn for the worst. Homosexuality those years didn't exist. Well it did, I just wasn't aware of it. Like I said, I was brought up in a strong Christian home. I have been blessed with the most wonderful parents. We went to church all the time and they were beautiful examples of God fearing people. There was no fighting, no drinking, no smoking, no drug abuse, no child abuse, or divorce etc till this day. They've been married for over 49 years this year. A beautiful marriage, an example of what God means when He says that He has the perfect husband/wife especially for you. Handpicked & ready by Our Creator who knew you before you were formed in your mother's womb.
I was sexually abused from the age of 9. I can't remember until when it occurred. Now to give you an example, I never really knew the meaning of sexual abuse up until the age of 21. I was actually living with one of my girlfriends at the time, when one night I told her that I think I was sexually abused as a child. I didn't remember anything about it until that day. . It was so strange. I didn't remember anything. Anything before that day never existed in my mind. It's like I just went blank and blocked it out of my memory as a child and moved on. Weird, but that's how it was. I also realized that same day that I was raped at the age of 16.
I don't / can't really give the details of what happened, but, something that was seen as being silly & irresponsible as kids, turned out to be one of the factors that subconsciously contributed towards my chosen lifestyle. Saying this, I was 11 at the time. I did not know anything about anything sexually. I was a child. The person who abused me was quite a few years older & in his teens already.
The guy who raped me was a married man & a well-known successful businessman.
None of this was remembered / realized until the age of 21 as mentioned above.
I had boyfriends in school. The last boy I dated was at the age of 14. He was in matric/grade 12. I went to his matric dance. That was the same year that my sister completed her matric/grade 12 year. I was a good kid. I had good grades, played sport and was just a good kid. I am one of 5 children. I have two brothers and two sisters. There is a 7 year difference between me and my eldest sister, then I have a brother, one year younger than her, then a sister 3 years younger than my brother, then it is me, then a year difference between me and my youngest brother. I remember growing up that my dad was a strict man. We weren't allowed to have short hair, we weren't allowed to wear pants, my sisters weren't allowed to wear make-up. They weren't allowed to go out. We weren't allowed to go to sports days and so on. Apart from that they used to smother us with love & tried to provide for us to the best of their abilities.
Providing for 5 kids was quite a big task. We had good times and we had bad times.
Moving around so much built our character and we had to keep making new friends as we went along. We lived in a town called Worcester. All was good, then it changed. We moved from our house into a warehouse. We stayed in the colored community in our caravan in the warehouse. There weren't any showers or ablution blocks. We had to use a little bucket to do a nr 1 and used the neighbors bathroom for a nr 2. We had a gym membership that we mainly used for their shower facilities on a daily basis. It was cheap and it made sense to my folks. There was also no kitchen at the warehouse, so things really started changing there for the worst. We had to move. Not sure what happened and why we moved, but we landed up in town called Strand. A beautiful town on the coastline of the Western Cape. We stayed in a flat and then moved to a caravan park. It was a caravan park on church grounds. There was no physical church there, but their conferences were held there.
I cannot remember the exact sequence of where we stayed at what age, but my life started changing at the age of 15. So there we were, living in a caravan in a caravan park. Isolated from everyone and everything.