The darkest hour comes just before dawn!
The last few weeks have been really bad for me emotionally. I haven't been happy and I was fighting with the idea of why certain things happen to us as true Christians. I have recently been betrayed by someone who I thought was a man of God. I have been following this man for a few months now, only because of the interest I have in a certain industry and thought that he was ok. He is a man of God and he prays and reads bible and speaks of God etc. Well, he professes that he is a man of God.
I am angry and upset that I fell for his lies and that I did not hear the voice of the Lord or asked for His guidance, discernment and His peace for the decision I had to make. So the last few years have been really bad for me in all the ways you could possibly think of. Everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. Everything I thought was secure wasn't so secure. I lost everything and I mean absolutely everything. Everything was stripped from my life by stupid decisions I made and things that I thought was right and from God which it wasn't.
We as humans live by our emotions and feelings and think that ooh, this is from God, that is from God etc. How are we supposed to know what is of God or from God if we do not have a relationship with Him and if we did not ask His permission for something?
You see, the bible clearly states that His people perish because of a lack of knowledge. It also says that there will be trials and tribulations, but that He will be with us and strengthen us through those times and that He will never leave us nor forsake us!
As much as I have hated going through what I have been going through the past few years because of the lack of knowledge, having no real intimate relationship with God, not knowing His word and not obeying Him, I must admit that I have never been more close to God than what I am now. I want to give God all the glory, honor and praise for everything that has happened and that He has been with me and guided me through it all.
If these things didn't happen to me I would have probably still been trapped in the place that was the most dangerous place for me, in the lies of satan.
I have been learning so much about God and through God. There's so many times where I wanted to give up. There's so many times where the thought crossed my mind of taking my own life and just leaving this world behind and not having to worry about anything anymore. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was sick and tired of the ongoing struggle. I was sick and tired of the betrayal of friends, family members, people in business, clients and mainly all humans. I got to a point where I hated humans and everything about them. I hated the world and I couldn't understand why God made them. I couldn't understand why humans could be so cruel to other humans. Why humans would betray everyone and everything in their way. Why they would be so selfish. Why they would be so disgusting and unkind, not wishing anything nice upon anyone else but themselves. Why they would go out of their way to make someone else's life as miserable as hell.
I was sick and tired of the rich people who would think that they are god and would walk over those who didn't have much or nothing at all. The rich who would go out of their way to steal your hard working money from right under your nose. How they would go out of their way to take contracts, business, commission and whatever you can think of away from you. That they would be ok with the fact that others can and must suffer. To think it is ok for those who are homeless, jobless, education-less, health-less, food-less. Your own government, police force, municipalities, governing councils and the rest who is busy defrauding their own people, allowing them to suffer in shame, not caring if they have a roof over their head, food to eat, a warm bed to sleep in and clothes to wear. Not giving a damn!
I was sick and tired and disgusted by the human race. Literally. I had to ask God to forgive me and forgive me quickly. I had to ask God to help me love again. Not just love, but to care about them, to try and help them in whichever way I can. I must admit, if it wasn't for Jesus who saved my soul, I wouldn't have been able to do this at all. If it wasn't for His unfailing love towards me and sending His Son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for me, I wouldn't have been able to do this. If it wasn't for His endless grace and mercy on my life, I would have still been stuck in that dark deep place of a hell hole.
It is so easy to fall into the trap that the devil has for you. It's so easy to listen to his lies and believe him. It is so easy to follow this world and do what they are doing. Wow, it is so so easy.
I am busy shaking my head in awe because of God's endless grace upon my life. I don't know where I would have been if He didn't come to save me. He saves me daily from the snares of darkness. Yes! You read that correctly, DAILY! We as true Christians need to be vigilant, stand firm and on guard every second of every day against satans fiery darts of lies and deceit.
To get back to the guy who has taken me for a ride.. I got a call out of the blue and was offered a position. Initially here in SA and then having to go over to Dubai in a few months time. Long story short. I started working immediately without consulting God about it because I was under the impression that this must be from God as this man walks a straight and narrow path with God! For me it looked like he had a tight, very very tight relationship with God. He professes that he prays a lot, that he is a prophet, and so forth. You can see on his posts that he reads bible, the video messages he sends he speaks about God and proclaim His Name and so on.
Because I trusted him I started working without signing anything and agreeing on my compensation. I did not think for one second that he was a man that would betray me, that he would lie to me, that he would do the right thing, that he would pay his staff and take care of them. I worked faithfully and hard for this man for an entire month. He wanted me to do everything for him, which I did without complaining or saying anything, even when it was not in my "job description".
Unfortunately to my disappointment, this so called Godly man took me for a ride and a half. I worked and never got paid. There was something else I was part of which involves him, and just like that that too was taken away from me without any reason, explanation or anything.
The point I am trying to make here is the following.
I thought this man was a man of God and that he would have his employees best interest at heart, that he wouldn't lie and that he would always do the right thing and try and live like Christ. Seeing that you profess this, surely your life and actions should speak for itself?
" My people perish because of a lack of knowledge".
" Be careful what you do to my anointed".
" You will go through trials and tribulations".
" We do not fight against flesh and blood".
I could not and still do not understand why people would do such a thing to someone else? Don't you have any respect for yourself or others? Don't you know that what you do to others will happen to you? Do you not know that God sees everything and His wrath is not something to play with?
I have been toiling with this for weeks now. The devil has been trying to occupy my mind and making up all sorts of stories and lies about why this happened. he has been trying to tell me that it is my fault and that I deserve this. he has been trying to make me believe that I am worthless and don't mean anything to anyone and that Jesus doesn't love me. I could go on and on about what he has been trying to do.
Through this entire time I haven't been able to pray. I couldn't get myself to spend time with God the way I should have. I couldn't get myself to write my blog and tell the world my story! I have been exhausted and tired and wanting to sleep all the time. I have not been depressed. I haven't. I actually haven't felt depressed in a very very very very long time. Since arriving at the place where I am staying now, God told me to start taking communion every day. He prompted a few times and then finally I listened and obeyed His voice. By doing this each day, His blood has protected me from all the attacks from satan mentally. Well, the most part.
I wake up happy and alive and I am blessed, even though my circumstances says something else. Even though it looks like there is no way to turn or anywhere to go or that there is no hope.
God is amazing. That is all I can say. He has given me so much hope again.
We need to really dig deeper into God's word and start standing on His word and on all the promises He has given us.
That is what He has been teaching me for months now.
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against a spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6:12
My mom has a nice saying. " The darkest hour comes just before dawn".
I have forgiven this man and his actions. I have set him free and I have released him. I have also blessed him and wished him well, even though he has not spoken a word to me in the last 2 weeks.
The bible also teaches us this.. 21 “Not everyone who says to Me,‘ Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven.- Matthew 7:21
He also says this: 15 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. - Matthew 7:15
This was all my own fault. I did not consult the Father in Heaven if this job was for me or that I should take it or not. I just felt that It would be ok, not knowing that this would happen. You would have thought that by this time I would have learnt something?
We really need to dig deeper and discern the voice of the Father. We can only do this when we have a really deep relationship with Him. We need to understand that in times like these that the devil will come in sheep's clothing and try and get us off track from what is important.
Even though I was distracted for a while, God managed to get me back on track and right here to where I belong, at His feet.
I still don't know the purpose of this entire situation or lesson, but I do know that my God doesn't sleep and that everyone will stand before God's judgement seat one day and take account for what they did. Maybe God's not done yet. Maybe God turns things around? Who knows?? All I know is that I must not lose focus and trust that God's got my back! He will never leave me nor forsake me! God will teach me as I go along.. One day at a time, sweet Jesus!
I know that God is busy with something and I know that all these things will be over soon! I know that my trial is over and I have taken the VICTORY IN JESUS MIGHTY NAME!
I am a VICTOR! I am the HEAD and not the tail! I AM ABOVE and not beneath!
I have Abrahams blessings on my life!
I am of Royal Priesthood!
I am a DAUGHTER OF ELOHIM!
Praise His Wonderful and Marvelous Name! The Name above all other names! Jesus Christ!
I have done something today which will be the first of many Supernatural, Miraculous signs & wonders that God will do in and through my life in Jesus Name! This will be part of my testimony!
If you need prayer about anything or you would like to give your life to Christ, please don't hesitate to write to me and I will pray with you.
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